No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
