Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
