I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
