okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
