miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
