You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
