i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
