The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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