wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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