dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
