It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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