I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
