Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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