his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Found your dick twin last night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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