That's when you crack a 10am beer
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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