Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize