rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
