cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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