we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
