It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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