$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
