We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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