I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
