you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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