Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
