you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
