I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
