I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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