I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
