I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
