so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
