I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
