I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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