I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
