Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
