Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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