she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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