I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
