I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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