I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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