i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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