Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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