Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
