He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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