im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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