ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
do nipples grow back?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
