You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
