I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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