We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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