Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
