i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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