it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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