then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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