I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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