so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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