yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my moral compass just broke
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
