i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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