Ambien. No doubt about it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
