It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
