I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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