Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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