just tell him i said nine months
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
