He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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