too bad you live with your parents still
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
