I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
