It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
