Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
