Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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