Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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