Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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